Feeling Homeless

Ever felt like you haven't had a place to call home or to not have shelter over your head?

You have???? I am so sorry and I can only imagine how horrible that was.

For me, I was almost homeless.. HAHHAA!! As in if I haven't got my fat ass up to book my accommodations I would've been! The problems for international students. And me being so indecisive didn't help one bit.

Just the thought of being homeless got me settled my transaction today and OMG! SOOOO MUCH TROUBLE! Words of advice, NEVER, I REPEAT, NEVER, NOT DOUBLE CHECK WHAT YOU KEYED IN.

So basically, I keyed in some wrong details into the info boxes and got my transaction cancelled. When I check my bank account. THE MONEY IS GONE!!! KAPISHHH!! Just like that..

Me being the psycho who ''over worries'' about stuff had to take my whole afternoon calling god-knows how many times to banks with phone numbers which doesn't work. It was so frustrating to wait for someone available. Then at the end, they said they couldn't do anything. =.=

So I had to call the accommodation instead. Thank goodness they said my money will be back in 3-5 days!!!

So, moral of the story. Silly mistakes are no nos'. EVER. or I'll end up pennyless and homeless

Till next time!

Relationship Problems

My love life so far has always been a upward rolling train.  But sometimes shit happens.  One second is all lovey dovey, the next it's a freaking volcano and a hurricane happening at the same time.

I'm always trying to juggle being the best girlfriend and a good daughter altogether. But when I'm trying to be a good girlfriend by doing things for him, it could turn out to be a disappointing choice to my parents. And being a miss-goody-two-shoes, I always think of what my actions would make my parents think of me. The chain reaction from this upsets my love life so bad that sometimes it just blindsided me and i just have no idea how to handle it. The thing is, we just expect each other to do the things we have in mind and when it's doesn't come out the way we want it to... KABOOM.

The stuff that he'd do for me is beyond what I could do in some many levels. Which makes me feel so useless and unappreciative. Sometimes I have the thought that how he deserves someone who'll always be there for him and not drag promises. Someone who is much more of a perfect person. Prettier, smarter, much more capable of doing the things that I couldn't or don't. But selfish me holds on to the glimmer of hope I have that it wouldn't be true.

Here's to hoping for the best.  

P.S I'm trying as hard as I can to muster the courage and I love you.

Beauty Standards.

It has been months since I've written anything. But I just felt the need to rant about how I've felt since coming back home to South East Asia.

For those who've been reading my blogs would know that I've been away from home in Europe for my studies. After 9 months I come back home for the summer. And during this summer, I've gained a lot of weight. 4kg - 5kgs to be exact. I used to be 58kg and now I'm either 62kg or 63kg.

The thing is, people in Asia have a different kind of view of what beautiful is compared to western countries... In Asia, the term beautiful is used for those who are extremely skinny, with no curves, an almond shaped face and straight long black hair. Being an asian myself with most of my family members in Asia, family members and friends tend to be very judgemental about my weight. Giving comments like wow, when you go swimming I can see those fat thighs of yours. Or even, why are you wearing those pants when you're thighs are so big? AND, OMG you've gone out of shape. I have a huge ego. And these comments are just really hurtful and got to me.

Unlike in Asia, Westerners are fine with all shapes and sizes. My aunt who has been in Europe for a long time told me that 'it's alright. Just let them have their say. What's wrong with a little curve? But if you really wanna lose weight, just control your diet and drink lots of water.' I've always been a very sensitive person, but when she said that, I was touched. Even though I wasn't very close to her, her words were so comforting after hearing all the irks from people closest to me. I can't tell you that I don't give a damn about what people say because I do.

Therefore, this post is gonna be my starting point to my goal weight at 52kg.

07.08.14 - 62kg

That's all for now. xoxo.